Some of us get nervous when we hear the word “feedback” because we may have a negative association with it – especially due to having received feedback that wasn’t very productive. In reality, feedback can be a very helpful and useful thing to receive. Think back to a time when you were trying to learn a musical instrument or a sport. Getting feedback was an important part of that learning process, wasn’t it?
If this is true for you, I encourage you to reframe your relationship with feedback so that you stay open to it. Ideally, each of us would request it from our team mates at work. It’s an important part of professional growth and learning.
I receive feedback on a regular basis because I’m learning a martial art. I have been studying Shotokan karate a little more than three years. However, it can take over twenty years to gain even a foundational understanding of a martial art. The best part of each class is when I get feedback that’s specific to me. I need feedback to learn and grow. Because if I keep practicing the same punch incorrectly, I’m only going to reinforce bad habits, rather than progress in my understanding and body alignment. I soak in every bit of feedback and I’ve come to relish it.
There can be many valuable aspects to feedback, such as:
- Being positive and motivational
- Supporting the development of a new skill
- Improving performance
- Creating accountability to stated performance standards
- Encouraging continued learning and growth
- Allowing for early course corrections
It’s important to remember is that feedback should not be all negative or constructive. Frequent positive feedback tells a person, “I’m paying attention and I care about you.” Also, neuroscience has proven that giving attention to our strengths catalyzes learning and stimulates the growth of new neurons and pathways in the brain. So if you can, catch a person in the moment doing something well and give them specific feedback about what’s working. For example, “When you took time to outline the detailed benefits of the program, the customer seemed more engaged in your presentation. You really outlined the benefits clearly. Keep doing that!”
Metaphor of Preparing a Meal
Let’s use the metaphor of preparing a meal as a way to prepare and deliver feedback. First, we prepare the ingredients, then we cook them, and then sit down and share a meal together.
First, prepare the ingredients. This is the same as preparing for the conversation. This is an activity that you do by yourself. Imagine you are in a kitchen chopping up onions, celery, and carrots for a soup. During this time, pause, reflect, and ask yourself: Why do I want to give this person feedback? What is my intention here? What do I hope they will get out of the conversation? This is private time for me to get curious about my own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, before I begin this conversation.
Next, cook the ingredients. This is developing the feedback script you will use, by following the “SBI” model. Now that we’ve prepared our ingredients, we can shift to the cooking portion of our metaphor or the real “meat” of the feedback conversation. This is where you prepare a script of the actual feedback you will deliver to that person. For this part, I like to use the “SBI” framework created by the Center for Creative Leadership. In this model, S stands for Situation, B is for Behavior, and I is for impact.
The Situation is the “where and when” in which the behavior occurred – you are giving that person context for the feedback you are giving them. Examples are: “In the team meeting on Wednesday” or “On yesterday’s call with Smith & Company.”
The Behavior is the list of specific behaviors that you want to address in the feedback. We don’t want to make an assumption or judgment about their intention, but focus specifically on the behavior you observed. We need to describe that as objectively as possible.
Then, state the Impact that the behavior had on you, your team, the project, or other things.
It’s important to take notes about the SBI in advance because you want this part to be succinct. Ideally, you’ll be able to deliver it in 30 seconds or less. The more concise and clear you can be, the more effectively it will be received by that person.
Finally, sit down to a meal with the other person. This is when you’ll invite that person to enter into a conversation with you, rather than just talk at them. It’s always more enjoyable to eat a meal with another person rather than eating alone.
After you share your SBI script, which is the core of the feedback, it’s important to invite that other person into the dialogue. It’s not just a monologue where you are talking at the person, but you need to get curious about their perception of the events and what happened. It’s a chance for you to explore their motivations, concerns, etc. So it’s time to ask some good open-ended questions that start with “what.”
Here are some examples of open-ended questions you can ask:
- What happened from your perspective?
- What is your take on this situation?
- What improvements could be made?
- What have you learned?
- What can be changed?
- What is possible?
From here, your conversation could go in a hundred different directions, based on what they share with you. Continue to ask questions to understand their perspective. At the end, you’ll want to wrap-up the discussion with a confirmation of what you both understand and are agreeing to in the future. That may be a commitment from them about how they will approach things differently in the future, perhaps you’ll make an agreement about how you will both act differently in a similar situation in the future, or maybe you’ll make a request for them to behave differently in the future.
By preparing in advance for this important conversation, you can get clear on your own intentions for delivering feedback, get clear about the message you want to send, and invite that person respectfully into the discussion.
I wish you great success in your future feedback conversations!
For additional tips about delivering feedback, check out this video on my Illumination Coaching YouTube channel.