You didn’t plan for this, but here you are in the middle of an unwanted life event – a catastrophic health issue, unexpected job layoff, death of a loved one, going through a divorce, being a caregiver, and the list goes on.
Midlife can be filled with unpredictable and unwelcome life interruptions. Author Bruce Feiler refers to these disorienting changes as “lifequakes” in his book Life Is in the Transitions. A lifequake is a massive, transformational life event that shatters your routines and shakes your core identity.
As a transition coach, I regularly support clients through huge transitions. But there’s something different about it when it happens to you personally. I am going through a very painful divorce that I did not anticipate – and now the rubber meets the road.
A resource that has been immensely helpful to me during this time is rereading Pema Chödrön‘s book When Things Fall Apart. Instinctively, we want to move away from pain and suffering when our heart is breaking or we ask ourselves, “Why is this happening?” or say “It’s unfair!” Chödrön reminds us that the way out is through. By moving toward painful situations with friendliness and curiosity instead of judgment, we befriend these emotions and feel them soften inside ourselves.
Each day I am noticing. Feeling. Getting curious. Noticing again.
I know I won’t live in the eye of the storm forever, and neither will you.