One of the most overlooked leadership skills is the ability to genuinely take another person’s perspective. Under pressure, many leaders become focused on advocating for their own priorities or defending their position. Highly effective leaders pause and ask: How is this situation experienced by the other person?
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant argues that leaders often default into “preacher,” “prosecutor,” or “politician” modes during disagreement by defending their own views, proving others wrong, or trying to win support. In Think Again, he encourages leaders to instead think like scientists by approaching conversations with curiosity, asking better questions, and remaining open to new information.
Things You Can Do In the Moment
The next time you find yourself disagreeing with a peer or direct report, try a new approach:
- Pause before reacting or defending your position
- Notice when you are mentally “building a case”
- Shift from preparing your rebuttal to getting curious and asking questions
Slowing down long enough to understand the other person’s context can dramatically improve alignment. Here are some questions you can use to gather information and “seek first to understand” before advocating for your own point of view.
To understand their priorities:
- “Can you help me understand what’s most important from your perspective?”
- “What concerns you most about this situation?”
To understand resistance:
- “Can you walk me through your thinking?”
- “What’s driving your hesitation?”
During conflict:
- “What outcome are you hoping for?”
- “What does success look like to you?”
To build alignment:
- “How is this impacting your team?”
- “What would make this easier to support?”
I especially like this catch-all question: “What might I be missing?”
Perspective-taking does not mean abandoning your own needs or avoiding accountability. Instead, it allows leaders to communicate in a way that makes others feel heard, which often creates the trusted environment needed to solve difficult problems together.